Beaches love horses...

The View

In February 2012 I look at this image from July 2008, and I now remember some facts about that time, have some opinions about that time, and I remember my thoughts, that moment - not perfectly, verbatim, but I do remember the feeling of that moment, so I can put it into words approximating my thoughts at the time.

Photo: Tine Biedenweg

The facts; 

I was clinically depressed.

I thought the World would be a better place without me and would not notice, much, if I were absent from it, so I wondered occasionally, how best to leave.

My filly, Presence, was 2, and she was my dream from several years previously, come true.

My dog, Rex, a year old, also a friend I had thought much of - his breed, personality and pleasure, before we found each other.

My friends were with me, at this most beautiful piece of land, tolerating my misery. Trying hard to lift me. Allowing me.

I had passed through patterns of depression since childhood, every few years. My pets always gave me reason to continue living.

My opinions about this time vary. What I mean by vary, as examples of my evolving position, is that in 2008 I was of the belief depression was my curse. By 2009 I opinioned that depression was an equaliser, halting my crazy dreams to enable me to blend in, become ordinary. 2010 I'd had enough; depression was a dirty word, I will NEVER experience THAT again. 2011 I learned I could choose my emotional response to everything. I started practising. I am a fast learner. Now I see her, that woman, Jayne, (I love her dearly, I am no longer her), with her dreams manifest, back turned to them, and I am certain depression is amazing. For me it has been the opportunity to explore, learn, evolve.

My thought, in that moment, the moment I did not know had been captured by Tine with her camera?

"What BEAUTY! ...Landscape, hills, rock, geography of millions of years! Like I've seen as a child, in Britain, and periodically throughout my life, each time taking my breath away! I did not know it was here, so close to my home. Colours. Light. And sharing it with Presence, Rex, these women who are still here while I hate myself! I can feel my heart again. I can feel again." I smiled, I think, although retreated to the habit I had been working hard to keep, the sad-face.

I was not cured that day, but moments such as this continued to occur, and countered the hours of self-loathing.

There is much more I can share about my experience of depression, bi-polar and whatever other disorders I've played with, but this moment, today, Monday 13th February 2012, I simply admire the moment of this photograph, and for the first time I notice Presence wrapped around me, and I am actually lost for words... XJ

I'm for horses...

I smile as I recall a man I once knew, who often said to people like I once was (opinionated, enquiring, searching for the best way, the right way), 

"When I want your opinion I'll give it to you." 

I can't say that having opinions or searching for the rightness of everything has been a peaceful path. Some time in the past couple of years I started to consider the value of my opinions, it started with a quote told me by a good friend. 

"An opinion is a need of the ego." 

I appreciate the human ego, I spend time watching it, and learning about it. Enough time to have opinioned (Ha-ha!) that my ego is not helped by pandering to its' needs, and so I started to watch for the judgements I made every hour of every day. I pondered the value of each conclusion I came to. For example, In noting the lack of understanding between a person interacting with their horse, and concluding the person to be ignorant and the horse to need pity - how was I contributing to the experience of the three of us, and even socially, as an Earthling? The unravelling of my life-learned ego-habit began...

Assessing for "Australian Natural Horsemanship" Sinnington Manor, Yorkshire Feb. 2003

I defer to my intention; that I am a part of the evolution of this planet, reaching for more love, more compassion. If I judge a person negatively, as in this example, I am negatively focussed. If I pity the horse, likewise. I render myself helpless, or worse, superior, apart from the two. At odds. Compelled to make things "better" - do it the way I know from my experiences to be more valuable than your way. I would interfere from a position of negativity. Extract the fun. Add some insult. I am a good teacher, however I detected the opportunity to become extraordinary, were I to alter my position from the negative toward the positive. 

Some years prior my friend making this comment, I had been teaching professionally in the field of Natural Horsemanship, and active on several Internet Forums since the late 1990's.

The Powerbook, my connection to the rest of the World since 1999, still overworked here in 2006 but ably assisted by Jason.
I believe his approach to my Internet activities holds a message, just one I am wilfully ignorant of at this time. 

I enjoyed much of the debates on forums, but on balance, the feelings I experienced the most during, and post discussion, were negative, and so I left all forums. 

The recipient of thrown tomato's (saved from a salad supper at the nearby pub).
Belstone Stocks, Dartmoor, July 2003

   

I had not considered holding an opinion about a way to be with horses, ways to behave and teach, ways to not behave nor teach, to be a cause for concern to me until that quote was proffered to me by my friend. 

I observed my judgements occurring each day, and noted the effect of the situation, I came to see that my experience was always negative as a result. I also noted that the person with whom I interacted had a negative experience too. A negative experience is sufficient reason to move away from the apparent cause; Perhaps some people I no longer see drifted thus? 

Amongst my aspirations is the desire to have more positive experiences, or at least find a way to view the ones we could define negatively, in a positive way. I have learned that the greatest assistance one can ever be to another is to be authentically strong, loving and positively focussed. I exist to be a participant on this Earth. I love to teach, to help. Perhaps I could view the lack of understanding between the person and their horse differently? Drop my opinion, try a positively focussed one? 

There was a time when I stood in an arena, shaking with fear and frustration, tearful and distressed. My mare, at the other end of the leadrope, likewise. We could not look at each other, and a spectator called for her to be shot. An amazing story, that I will share in future writings - do remind me! Suffice to say, Cedar and I lacked understanding at that time. Today we are as connected as twins. My belief is that those moments of disharmony (once viewed as despair; I'm looking for more positively focussed thoughts for my memories!) were integral to me reaching for and finding the relationship we have now. 

Cedar pregnant, me about to marry. November 2005

What if I repel the person with my negative opinion? What if I reflect to them every negative self-opinion they may hold? What if I emit to the horse my woe at his life, so it feels woeful? What if I acknowledge the potential for an extraordinary relationship to evolve between the two, like mine with Cedar? What if I look at both with appreciation and love, rather than judgement and pity? Open my heart to them both so that they may sense my offer of guidance? Who does not wish for unconditional support while they navigate through life experiences?

Simon Sinek on Twitter

I like this quote, shared on Twitter recently which I retweeted. Considering what you are FOR is positively focussed. A beautified opinion.

This project, The Heart of Horsemanship, is positively focussed.

What are YOU for?

Note; This post took days to write in my spare time, a most enjoyable experience, but I have heavily edited the writing as my intention is for each post to be short; more readable! My stories around opinions, and everything hinted at in this post, are numerous! I will share each story over time with the same intent, always illustrated with photographs as well as words and feelings. I will share with you the stories you most want to hear, if you let me know what they are. Meanwhile, my next post will share some of what I am FOR. Subscribe or "Like" us on Facebook, or "follow" us on Twitter for notices about new posts.  

Whiskey; Romantic Notion

Whiskey is always pleased to see me. I feel honoured, and appreciate this more than I can express in words. Every day, because Whiskey greets me with such love, I am more loving as a result. His unconditional delight of me, inspires me in return to shine my love wherever it may be directed. And so the day unfolds. If you meet me, and we have a warm exchange, smiles, I show compassion, I help you and you feel good in my company, know it started each day with Whiskey...

Rex; Canine Division of The Heart of Horsemanship

The herd at Heartland need fly protection at this time of year. Losing their veils often, Rex, their guardian, my right-hand-man, retrieves the discarded veils. Discomfort banished. Thank you Rex!



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Sea Horses

Karen set up a surprise for her friend Louise, who became our friend too. Louise has, in her words, "Always dreamed of riding a horse at the beach, just like this." We LOVE that we are co-creators in her experience, that Louise held her dream until Karen, Whiskey, Bach, Bo, Katelyn, Rex & I could be a part of the reality. I trust that all I have experienced and believed, to have the relationship I do with these magical horses, is exactly what Louise imagined could be, and this day we all met, aligned and shared someone's dream. Thank you for dreaming.

Yes, Bachelor Boy is unrestrained in this photograph, when I trust the environmental conditions are good (i.e. people sharing the beach with me are self-contained, no frightened horses with them) I always allow my herd to enjoy the beach as they would enjoy their paddock; free. I started a conversation on-line about this, and many lovely people engaged with me and shared their fears, large or small, about loose horses on the beach or elsewhere. You may join the conversation here; Facebook/Horsemanship 

I ask why a horse-loving person would not want an experience like the one Louise manifested and co-created?

The key person involved in connecting us with Louise, Karen, brought her horse along for the adventure, and after some time passed where my horses were free and clearly revelling in the experience, Karen asked whether I thought her horse could be released from his halter and lead rope too. Yes didn't just come from my lips, I had been holding the image of Bo being allowed to experience the freedom of the beach in my mind for some time when our herd had started to harmonise, and the essence of trust and familiarity was all-pervading. Bo shared my imagining, and Karen found herself a partner in the desire. 

In the past I have closely controlled loose horse situations. I may have ensured a closed beach, a trained horse, a pile of feed, for example. In my past I believed the desire of a horse to be with us was created by training, conditioning and bribery. My belief that such an experience was a trick reveals the fear I held that horses would not choose a human, have no desire to relate to a human, and further, I believed I would not be worthy of their company were they set free. And so it was. The experiences were good-looking but anxiety-laden. 

That is not true for me any more. So how did Bo respond when Karen slipped his halter? 

A horse is a horse! Bo, upon realising the restraint was gone, simply ran in joy. His wake caught Whiskey for a few moments, who cantered too, before thoughts such as "Bo doesn't even know where he is heading," and "The herd are not running with us," came to him, and so he turned and returned to the rest of us. I'd be lying if I didn't confess that for a few moments Karen didn't feel the fear of the unknown, and looked to me. I knew, and I repeated the statement, "he will come back."

There was once a popular saying, in the time of flower-power, so before generation Y, 

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours. If they don't, they never were." 

What does that have to do with the myriad disasters ahead of that galloping horse? I know you wonder. And indeed, the horse is galloping towards an industrial complex, machinery, pollution, people at work, some slaves to a system. Roads, vehicles, noise... 

Bo needed to see for himself. Bo needed to run like his instinct told him, and when he'd seen enough, he could choose what he wanted based upon the choices he saw. And when he returned Whiskey glanced at him, further along the journey as he is, as if to mutter, 

"What were you thinking?" 

Welcome to The Heart of Horsemanship Project

Jayne and her herd will share much of their journey here. 

Horsemanship is relationship. The vessel by which horses and humans experience life together; experience love, joy and contrast. 

Here we will share the heart of the threads connecting our species, and we will inspire you. 

Jayne has a herd of four horses who are her family - Cedar, Heart of Burgundy, mother of Presence of Heart. Bachelor Boy, a twenty years young Australian Quarterhorse, and Romantic Notion; Whiskey, a tri-coloured Pinto gelding. The herd welcome and educate horses and people every day. They have a Twitter account twitter.com/JaynesHerd and a Page on Facebook facebook.com/JaynesHerd that you may "Like." Jayne uses Twitter too, to share events.  

Jaynes Herd

Our project, The Heart of Horsemanship, started life as a book in the late 1990's. 

As a teacher Jayne is asked many questions, but the most frequent request was "please write a book, so that I may study your horsemanship." 

Jayne began her book, and over the years has published articles, tales, blogs and micro-blogs, video's, tests and curriculum for professionals. Jaynes' reasons for not producing a book have been many and varied - too much travelling, not enough time, always evolving, and so on, however since Jayne recognised the reason she loved horses so completely was because they inspired in her to journey to her heart, with passion, to her source and her purpose, she began to call "The Book" "The Heart of Horsemanship." The reams of notes remained unpublished. 

Jayne has engaged with thousands of people all over the world since she joined the World Wide Web in 1999. Within days Jayne wrote advice on forums, later YouTube, and within a few short years received an invitation from a former University colleague to join a new site called Facebook. Jayne has been able to successfully micro-blog about her life as a teacher, a lover of art, a thinker and creator, whilst still working with people and horses full-time. In 2010 Jayne decided "The Heart of Horsemanship" was no longer a book, but a project. A project with hundreds of contributors, human and animal. A creation evolving daily, definitely enhanced by sharing. Participation is the heart of the journey with a horse. Experiencing, feeling, growing. 

Join us, the herd, the co-creators and the online community as we live at the heart of horsemanship.